Muravian comment riff
Surrender sense
feel them most always deeper
than the head washes over, under
through shifting sand
never gave you solid footing anyway
you just thought so too
much thinking not enough drinking
sinking into what if you can’t stand
you can always float
your boat is needing a paddle
what’s the matter as a hatter
but he’s a star these days so don’t be
late or your head will feel it deeper
sense is overrated so
surrender and feel waves
wash over hold your breath
for a second for a minute
for an eternity wash it down
worn smooth the river
stone warm in the sun
veins of quartz run
through and through
glinty shiny summer rays the
days come down forever
Lawdy, yes. A beauty to read aloud, skiing the slaloms, and then that nifty little rhyme darts in – I like that triplet:
stone warm in the sun
veins of quartz run
through and through
Did you read it aloud? And how did it feel? More and more, I think of poetry as – duh – spoken word, but more deeply, it is breath, so the rush of inhalation/exhalation in the recitation is where the oomph is. It’s a kick, popping consonants, lolling the vowels, letting the line breaks work for you.
Nice work, Ms Dee. Yes, inDEEd.
I started out trying to do the Gertrude Stein thing but had to break it up. I did read it out loud as I often do your poems. It makes sense that you should use THAT sense to enjoy poetry. The whole meaning of rhyme is “sounds like” so how can it not be heard? This back and forthing is a very cool dynamic.