Sunday Scribbling: Halfway
I’ve been on vacation and hoping to get back into the swing. I missed you all!
in my heart of hearts
my inner parts my softer belly
under wonder
scrapes the rocks and
locks me out or
locks me in and sin and pain
and fear like rain
falls over me and
I can’t see but others can and
peel the layers leaving
raw and judge me so
I am left wanting
just cliche all tan
and gray and nothing special
nothing much a touch
can hurt the wounds have healed
and some have calloused
half still raw and all your
malice makes them bleed
and plants a seed
of doubt that creeps
up in the dark and stark
and bleak the colors run
and I am left to
pick up stitch up
fill up empty places
shadowed spaces
that’s the child the
grownup learns to hide
the marks but still I shake
and doubt and take the hits
the pits can be as sweet
as fruit I tell myself and pile them up
and hope that in the end
a tree will grow and you
will know that I
was here.
You certainly are here, and you have established a wonderful body of work; your tree is for all to see. This piece is so raw and painful but full of hope nevertheless. Very impressive.
Thank you sir. The judgment is mostly internal, as I am very aware. Just can’t always turn it off so I leave it here. My biggest fear – to disappear.
Wow. It’s so good to have you back and be able to drop into your beautiful words during the week. I love the way this plays like notes of music in my mind when I read it. Your writing has such a lovely voice. And the images like “my inner parts my softer belly” or “stitch up fill up empty places shadowed places” bring the emotion home in ways that stick with me long after I’ve gone off to do other things.
thank you Nara – it’s good to be back. This one flowed out on it’s own. It’s such a cathartic feeling when that happens.