Category Archives: Faith

Thankful Beyond Words

I can’t even write about it without getting weepy and maybe I can blog about it later but today the folks I work with did a really nice thing for us and it will help us as we head for transplant land this weekend.  People do not always realize how they become the face and hands of Jesus,  I don’t handle receiving very well.  I want to be the one who does the giving and being on the other end is humbling and confusing for me.

I am ready for this to happen and for everyone to be fine and me be back at work hopefully being a better person for it.

Making Childhood Dreams Come True

Watch this video of a lecture by Randy Pausch. Be prepared. Get a snack and a drink – it’s about an hour and a half long but it is worth your time!

Pausch received his bachelor’s degree in Computer Science from Brown University and his Ph.D. in Computer Science from Carnegie Mellon University. He has been a co-founder of CMU’s Entertainment Technology Center (ETC), a National Science Foundation Presidential Young Investigator, and a Lilly Foundation Teaching Fellow. He has done sabbaticals at Walt Disney Imagineering and Electronic Arts (EA), and consulted with Google on user interface design. Pausch is the author or co-author of five books and over 70 articles, and the founder of the Alice software project.

Battle with cancer

Pausch has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and was told in August 2007 to expect a remaining three to six months of good health.

Pausch delivered his “Last Public Lecture”, entitled “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”, at CMU on September 18, 2007. This talk was modeled after an ongoing series of lectures where top academics are asked to think deeply about what matters to them, and then give a hypothetical “final talk”, i.e., “what wisdom would you try to impart to the world if you knew it was your last chance?” Before speaking, Pausch received a long standing ovation from a large crowd of over 400 colleagues and students. When he motioned them to sit down, saying “make me earn it”, some in the audience shouted back “you did!”

Wikipedia

You can also go to his homepage and get a PDF transcript and more information
Dr. Gabriel Robins has a website with more links and a wonderful Halloween picture of the Pausch family.

That gives you the who and what but not the why. I completely forgot about the cancer as I watched and listened and even took notes. There is so much in this video and I will tell a few of the ones that remember best.

How about going out for football and showing up at practice and finding you will be playing with no football? If you know me at all you know I know nothing about sports. There are 22 men on a football field at one time. Only one has the ball. This coach was teaching what the other 21 should be doing. Fundamentals…

Sometimes you run into brick walls when you are trying to make your dreams come true. “Brick walls exist for a reason – they give us a chance to show how badly we want something – they stop the other people”

“Sometimes brick walls are flesh”

“most of what we learn, we learn indirectly (or by “head fake”)”

“If you are going to do anything that is pioneering you are going to get arrows in the back – put up with it”

(he got an award that consisted of a vest that had arrows sticking out of the back)

He advises that we learn to recognize the moments that change our lives, don’t bail – the best of the gold is at the bottom of barrels of crap, and don’t complain – just work harder. Jackie Robinson’s contract said that he would not complain even when fans spit on him.

Be watching for the two head fakes about this speech – he will explain at the end. After the video – go to Alice.org and download the software. It will walk you through and give you an idea of his his work. Anyone who wants to get girls more interested in programming…..

He is definitely someone worth knowing.

Hallelujah Halloween

Our church had Hallelujah Night and celebrated with games, music, bounce houses, hotdogs, and a bike drawing. It must have been a great turn out – I didn’t get to look up much to see. I painted faces for two hours. I don’t mean I painted a face and then a few minutes later I painted another one. I mean that as soon as I finished one there was another little face hopping up in the chair for – two – hours. I am tired, cold and will be curling up in blankets with a book in a few moments but I had a great time!

Most fun – a little princess who wanted different colored polka-dots on her arms and giggled every time I painted another one.

Sweetest – a little girl who wanted a flower on her cheek and when I was done went down the line showing everyone waiting and telling them I was really good and then she would run back and ask me where I learned art.

Cutest – a baby in a bumble bee costume who scrunched up his face and laughed every time I touched him with the paintbrush. We were trying for a heart but…

Strangest – an older fellow who said his girlfriend dared him to get lips painted on his cheek. OK there are just too many things wrong there.

Several kids would ask how much it cost and I got to tell them nothing – it’s free. I could paint their face and give them candy. I’m not good at evangelism but if I can share the gospel by painting a face and offering free candy – I’m all over that!

K.I.S.S.

“Keep It Simple Stupid!” Is a motto I should have etched into the inside of my glasses lens so I would constantly have it in the corner of my line of vision.

One of my favorite websites that I feel embraces this idea is CommonCraft and they had a wonderful piece recently titled “Super Simple vs Needlessly Complex“. It showed a picture of a young man pulling a device called the Q-drum which is basically a rolling container for water with a rope attached. One person can easily haul 20 gallons of water with this simple tool. The comparison image showed a Japanese toilet that had 17 buttons on it. The picture of the Q-Drum came from an article on simple design that can be found here. My attention was grabbed by this quote:

The world’s cleverest designers, said Dr. Polak, a former psychiatrist who now runs an organization helping poor farmers become entrepreneurs, cater to the globe’s richest 10 percent, creating items like wine labels, couture and Maseratis.“We need a revolution to reverse that silly ratio,” he said.

Amen Dr. Polak – sign me up.

So how do I make these changes on a personal level? I am starting with some of the suggestions in the article Simple Living Manifesto on the Zen Habits blog.

For the cynics who say that the list below is too long, there are really only two steps to simplifying:

  1. Identify what’s most important to you.
  2. Eliminate everything else.

Of course, that’s not terribly useful unless you can see how to apply that to different areas of your life, so I present to you the Long List.

The long list contains 72 ideas with links to help on some of the individual suggestions. This seems like a “complex” list but if you start with the first which tells you to identify the four or five most important things in your life and make those your priority. The next two are evaluate your time and your commitments and ditch whatever is not in line with your most important things. Everything else flows from there. The blog author states that the entire list will not work for everyone – to just choose a few that work for you and concentrate on them.

I’m going to spend some time working on my “Most Important” list and post about it later. I also want to think about how simplifying would translate to education.

The internet is the great “leveler”. Anyone can find information on anything – anytime. That information doesn’t mean a thing if the learner can’t read, comprehend, or aggregate it into something meaningful to them. If we distill what is the most important skill in education today wouldn’t it be reading even in the higher grades?

We work harder to have more which means we need more to organize and take care of the more we worked for which means we need to work more to pay for it all. We eat junk because we don’t have time to cook good healthy food because we are working so hard so we have to work more (or at least make more money) to afford the junk food that ultimately makes us sick which means we have to make more money to pay for the medical bills. We teach our kids that they need a good education so they can have nice things and a nice job but if the above life is what we are showing them and if they are seeing it all as pointless I vote with them.

I don’t think simplicity is the goal so much as the way to achieve the goal. If we are so tied to all the stuff and the working to sustain it then where is the meaning? How often do we even have time to stop and think and question if there is meaning in our lives? Why should this generation educate themselves to have a live that has no meaning?

That’s the context for the questions I am asking myself while I work on my most important list. I want to be productive. I want to have meaning. I want to be present in my life, in my family, and in my job. I want a little solitude. I want to be as healthy as my choices can make me. I want my kids to see meaning in my life.
Do you have a list? Am I the only one who struggles with this?

Update 08/17/07

This blog keeps staring – sticking pieces of guilt on me like lint on an old sweater.  I want to write but I’m having some health issues that are knocking most rational thought out of my head,  I am scheduled for tests on the 28th of this month and if I can survive til then without going completely bonkers then I will have an update.  If I can shut out the worry noise I will try to post on something coherent but in the meantime keep a good thought and maybe a prayer or two for me.

Christmas Connections

Christmas is the only holiday that can elicit such strong emotions from all of us – happy and sad. It brings out the best in folks making us want to help our fellow man. It is wrapped in the sweetness of standing next to my daughter harmonizing on Silent Night, watching little ones all wide eyed (and trying to get them to settle down after too much Christmas sugar cookies). It makes us nostalgic remembering Christmases in our past and missing loved ones who are no longer around the table for Christmas dinner. The unchurched for 364 days a year suddenly feel the urge to light a candle and sing with the congregation, and the churched help with the Christmas children’s program and special music.

Everyone from the checker at Walmart to the to the bagger at Kroger, to the bank teller has said Merry Christmas about a thousand times and come Christmas eve they go home and cook their own goodies and put their feet up and probably congratulate themselves for surviving another holiday season.

Tonight I stood in the congregation of a church I haven’t attended for some time because it is Christmas and we lost a special member not long ago. I heard tonight that another member had passed a few days ago. I felt a need to be there, to connect with people that like my family, I don’t see often but still feel a part of. That is probably the single strongest emotion that Christmas brings to all of us – a need to reconnect. Even the act of giving and receiving gifts is a part of that. For one time in the year it is socially acceptable to show that we see each other and that we mean something to each other. All the daily stuff stops. Even the act of cooking and feeding each other has meaning and special traditional foods bring back memories of times when we were with family and now are with family again even if family is now scattered. If separated by miles we connect through cards and phone calls.

We mark the passing of the years with Christmases. Christmas when the kids were little, Christmas when the grandparents were alive, the Christmas of the ice storm and the Christmas I gave birth to my son. The year Mama was here and we drug her all over town singing carols.

We celebrate the birth of Jesus who became part of the family of man so we could become part of the family of God by connecting with family each year whether they are family by blood or by friendship or just human beings. We were not blessed financially this year but we were certainly blessed through connections. We have people who love us and continually hold us up in their prayers. They continually feed us and give us gifts even though they are not always wrapped in pretty paper and ribbon. I don’t miss the paper.

Mr. Henry’s Passing

Mr. Henry Thielman passed away at 1:30 this morning. Dale and I were going to try to go see him today and we were too late. For those who didn’t know him, he personified the phrase “saints of the church”. I’ve never in my life met anyone who wore his religion so easily. You knew just being around him that you were closer to God’s presence. I feel profoundly saddened by the fact that we didn’t get to say good-bye but I know that he is where he should be and heaven seems a more welcome place knowing he is there waiting. No matter what bible study I might attend or theologic discussion I listen to, I will always hear his voice in my head saying “not essential to my salvation”. Godspeed Mr. Henry, if heaven holds hearts, it’s a lot bigger today.

Update on Dale

We are home and he is definitely better. We have some issues to deal with and he still has a long hard road ahead as far as recovery but I think for the most part we are headed in the right direction. We are very tired and just trying to take baby steps and be grateful for every move forward. We are also immeasurably grateful to every single person who has come to our aid in so many ways. I don’t know if I will ever be able to express how blessed we feel. Prayers, emotional support, and love have come to us from all directions as well as physical help from food and money to canes and walkers, rides for my kids and people calling to check on them when we have had to stay at the hospital. God is amazing. We even found and gave support to other patients and their family members we met in the hospital. When I start giving in to the anger and despair at what has happened to Dale I try to remember those things and they pull me through. We continue to believe that God has a plan and we know that He will reveal things to us along the way if we pay attention and continue to have faith in his providing grace.

Back from Hell

“According to Dante, the road to moral redemption can be reached only after confronting evil in the world and in one’s self.” There are nine circles of hell and I feel as though we have been on a tour of at least seven in the past thirteen days. To watch someone you love be in pain and be completely helpless is at least one level of hell. To be afraid that person may never come back to you as the person they have always been is another – to think they might die is well , about as far down as you can go. I’ve heard that God brings us trials to teach us things and if this was a lesson I hope I am learning it and that He will give me a rest because I feel like my heart is like dandilion fluff – one good breeze and the pieces would scatter forever. I have felt God holding me up and it is only through Him that I was able to do every single thing I knew to make this okay. I know that god guided the docs and nurses – even the ones who were wrong and sometime I will understand it but for now I am just tired and so very thankful that we are home and that Dale is recovering. He is so weak and still has some pain but we have come through hell and I can’t believe that God would have brought us this far if He didn’t have a plan for our future. I have to trust and rely on that. For now I am going to just sleep in my own bed and pray that Dale is able to sleep through the night. For all the prayers and caring that came our way – there are no words. I felt each and every prayer and it held me together when I needed it and pulled me through multiple melt-downs. Goodnight friends, and thank you God.

God’s feet and hands and…shoes?

My son asked me to buy him a fine-point sharpie. He is starting a “shoe ministry” Everyone else is wearing Christian Tee-shirts but he is going to write bible verses all over his shoes. Raising teen-agers is a lot like being on an amusement park ride with no way off. One minute I REALLY like the quote about knowing why some animals eat their young and the next I want to hug him. He wants to do an internship at our church this summer. He is exploring the idea of being a pastor. For now I’m just glad he has big feet.

Cracked Pots

We had an interesting visiting speaker this morning at church. He was a pastor from California and told us his “story within a story” His name is Mike Reed and the list of horrible medical issues he has had to face since childhood was beyond comprehension. As he told his story he made connections showing that in hindsight if this (negative thing) hadn’t happened, then this (good) thing wouldn’t have happened. He saw God at work throughout his life.

He was diagnosed with aplastic anemia at the age of ten and though not expected to live several times and enduring months of chemo-therapy and radiation he survived only to deal with other problems that occurred because of the chemo and radiation, like cateracts, infections, inability to sweat, or salivate. About the time he was diagnosed his Dad was furloughed from his job as a pilot and found another job. He got his job back as a pilot but kept the second job foreseeing medical expenses. Because of this he had two insurance policies. If it hadn’t been for those policies there was some treatment that Mike would not have received. His dad losing his job ended up being part of what saved Mike’s life. Later he had severe liver problems and needed a liver transplant. This was at the beginning of the use of live related donor treatments. A man who’s fiance wanted him to check out the church near where they would live came and met with Mike and though later found that he was actually at the wrong church, joined. Though he and his wife moved across the country shortly after that, he ended up being the liver donor. Mike’s life was saved again because the man came to the wrong church.

He said that we as church people, know scripture, claim to know the Lord and believe His word – but do we really? He had a slideshow playing in the background as he spoke and one slide said:

“Happiness – feeling. Root – happening, circumstance.

Joy – attitude: deep settled confidence that God is in control of every area of my life.

Joy is a choice – choose it!”

He said that in the midst of all this he realized that not one second would be snatched from his life that God did not allow. If we really believe God’s word then we should have joy. Romans 8:28 promises us that:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

but it doesn’t promise that we will see it. Though Mike Reed was able to see the connections through hindsight – he was saying that we should live knowing those “connections” where God is at work in our lives are there even when we can’t see them.

Some quotes in the presentation that underscored what he was saying:

“If God can accomplish his purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank him for breaking yours?”

Oswald Chambers

“I believe that pain and suffering can be a prison or a prism. The tests of life are not to break us but to make us.”

Unknown

There was a lot more to his story and more than he had time to share with us, and though many of these experiences were horrific, he was not a gloomy or pitiful person. He had humor and made jokes throughout his talk. He is now married and has two adopted daughters and is a pastor in Oceanside, California. There were some hints that he still had medical issues to deal with and I suspect he will have til God takes hime home, but it was obvious that he will be serving the Lord til that day.

I envy people with that kind of conviction – the “cracked pots” that God uses; and yet I hesitate to pray for it for myself. I may be a cracked pot too but I’m not sure I would have the strength to go through so much and still be able to maintain an attitude of joyful service. I don’t even do well waking up early.

Psalm 51:8

Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

Shake it off

Today in the news:
“A deputy press secretary for the Department of Homeland Security is in a Maryland jail today, awaiting extradition to Florida on child pornography charges.”

Life is a parody

I had a bad morning and it wasn’t anything big – just a string of little bad things. I was running late this morning which is something I hate, the kids forgot to take the trash out, I had to make an extra trip to my daughter’s school because she forgot something. There was also a list of detail oriented things that had to be taken care of today and limited time causing me to stress about them, then I got to work and two emails made a bad start worse. The funny thing about email is that you can’t tell a person’s tone from it. I make assumptions from what I read and then have to step back and try to put things in context. The first email sounded rude and abrasive and I think it was meant that way. I solved the problem and was able to respond and I doubt that there will be a thank you. The other email sounded negative and I may have over-reacted and I will see to it that there won’t be a repeat by changing my behavior in this circumstance.

At the end of the day I went by to pay my tax guy and after plunking down a fairly healthy check spent a half hour fixing his computer for free.

There is a bible story about the apostle Paul being on a ship with some other prisoners who were being taken to Rome. The ship broke up and landed them and the crew on an island. The people there built a fire and as they stood around the fire and dried out, and ate the food the people brought them; Paul reached to put some wood on the fire and a poisonous snake bit him. The people watched him and waited for his arm to swell up and for him to die but Paul simply shook off the snake and kept going and ended up writing letters that teach lay out theology for us and teach us about the nature of God. He founded churches and stayed in contact with them giving teaching, encouragement, and admonishment when needed.
Life is full of snakes – I need to learn to be more like Paul

A Clean Install

I used to wonder at the purpose for all the dietary laws that the Jewish people of the Old Testament had to observe. Then I heard a pastor talk about how much easier it is to make friends and exchange viewpoints when you have the type of relationship with people that allows you to sit and eat a meal with them. The Lord knew how easily we would make spiritual accommodations with people they made friends with and in Old Testament times sharing a meal was more of a covenant experience than it is now. When you had a guest you were responsible for him while he was in your home. It indicated a certain level of trust. Once you have established a relationship with another person you are at the least more willing to listen to their point of view. God wanted his kids to be separate to keep their spiritual beliefs intact.

Once you listen to another person’s point of view it is not that big a step to have that point of view change your own in some minute way. This is not a bad thing in most cases but I think where our faith is concerned it is tragic and down through the generations those little increments add up.

Now here we are in a society that throws children away for the sake of convenience and material things, accepts a culture that is polluted with pornography on every level and we find ways to evade accountability. We stay busy and we “see” but don’t “discern”. One definition I found for discern was “recognize: detect with the senses”. We need to be using more that our eyes to take a quick glance around these days. We need to be using all our senses to recognize that we no longer have a common accepted “yardstick” by which to measure right and wrong or true and false. We have let every idea people can express be made acceptable in the name of tolerance. The worst of it is that these things affect each successive generation more deeply so the legacy that we leave our children is a bigger mess that the one we started with.

I recently took my computer to a friend for repair. He told me that there was way too much stuff on it and the best thing to do at this point was to back things up and do a clean install. Too bad we can’t do that with life. I think we have let in too much stuff (junk) and we can no longer sort through and recognize (discern) what we should keep and what we should toss. We need a clean install.

Some years ago I read a book co-authored by Chuck Colson and Jack Eckerd titled, “Why America Doesn’t Work.” Here is the opening quote from the book:

“Perched on the brink of the twenty-first century, we look out across a land where our families are disintegrating, our streets have become drug- war zones, our classrooms are turning out thousands of functionally illiterate and morally bereft young people, our economy looks like it’s on a roller-coaster, our government deliberately keeps millions idle, and our work force produces second-rate products while demanding first-rate benefits.

I was, at the time a mother of two toddlers and trying to look ahead to raise them with the tools they would need to be thinking, feeling, compassionate people; capable of making their own decisions in a world that tries to sway us every which way and this book caught my attention.

One of the stories was about a Nazi camp where the Jewish prisoners were ordered to move a huge pile of rocks from one end of the yard to the other. Even though these people were starving and in desperate circumstances they encouraged each other and accomplished the task. When the task was complete they were ordered to move them back. At this stage they stopped encouraging each other, stopped trying and some quit eating or threw themselves at the fence basically committing suicide. The difference? The second move they knew this was a meaningless task. The authors contend that people need meaningful work to survive. Without meaningful work, we as humans have no sense of accomplishment and we, like the Jews in that Nazi camp can sink into despair. I searched for the root meaning of the word despair and found this: from Latin desperare (de- `without’ + sperare `to hope’ People with no hope have nothing to lose or gain. They care about nothing and no one. They have no purpose.

The way I see it, the only way to motivate people with no hope is to give them hope. That gives us several tasks. How do we give them hope? What do we give them hope for? How will they continue to be people of hope?

We had better figure out those answers soon if we are to survive as a culture. We need a clean install.

CheeseCake Christianity

I was thinking about what church means to me, especially Wednesday night bible study. I learn a lot but it’s much more than that.
The bible teaching is the food that feeds my mind and I think that is one level that God is known on. What goes into your mind, if it is truly the Lord ends up in your heart.
For me though , the best is the singing. Sometimes when we are singing praise I go away. It really feels like I am singing to, for, and about Jesus and I can feel warmth on my face, like He knows that my heart is right there for him reaching out and worshipping him as though I am on my knees right before Him. My face seems to be pulled up as though I can see Him even though my eyes are closed.
I know that this is probably the least real Christian thing I do because I get way more out of it than I give but it lifts me up like nothing else.
The bible teaching is the meal, but the singing and praising is the dessert and dessert has always been my favorite part of the meal.

Where do I go from here?

Well I guess I should start by telling a little about myself. I’m 51 years old (what a shock that is to me) but I think of myself as being so much younger LOL I am at a crossroads in my life. We recently changed from a small mainstream church to Calvary Chapel which is a non-denominational bible teaching church that has turned church upside down for us. The service usually consists of singing praise music and then the preacher teaches directly from the bible. The message today was from 1st Corinthians and the main point was that every question or situation we ever face can be answered by Christ and Him crucified. We have served on a multitude of church committees in the past, participated in many bible studies and spent months agonizing over what we were going to do about the “church situation”. We were getting nothing out of it and it had become on one hand a chore – something we thought we should do, and on the other hand, a social time where we met with folks we were friends with.

I have come to the conclusion that most mainstream churches have gotten to attached to the business of doing church and have lost the heart of the matter which is simply telling the story and then standing back and letting God do a work. We learn about Christ through the bible and then we take what we know to the world and let Jesus draw the world to Him one person – one relationship at a time.

I see these churches doing programming to death trying to bring the world in and maybe getting members to fill their rolls but do those members actually come to know Christ? I’d rather know that in my time on earth I brought one person closer to knowing Christ than knowing that I had brought a church a hundred new members.

When we stand before the Lord will he count it gain that we protested against some social injustice or that we spoke out in a judgemental way publicly against something we think is unbiblical? Will having a huge blow up slide for the kids or trips for the senior citizens make a lasting difference in someones Christian walk? And if I work on a church committee will I be doing it for God or because I think I should?

I think all I can do that counts for anything is praise the God who loves me for doing an ongoing work in me and trust that he will bring that work to completion. If I truly feel that way then I believe God will work through me to bring others to Him. That is the only way it will happen because I am not a person who is able to share the gospel with others in an eloquent way. I usually stumble all over my self and say the wrong things.

I know that we are in the right place at this time because I am learning things that may help me to not stumble – that will make me more confident in my knowledge. Especially when I keep remembering that the only thing anyone needs to know is Christ and Him crucified.